Lost Feelings
by Inevitable Endings
Summary: Petalheart was determined to have the best kits in the clans: a she kit and a tom, both destined to rule WindClan. When she ends up having a third kit, a cripple, no less, the poor kit is forced to endure a rough life filled with hatred and guilt.
1. The Cripple

Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned exclusive or general rights to the Warrior series, written by the group known as Erin Hunter. My story uses characters made up in my own mind, though the clan names, territories, and stories may have been borrowed from the original story. Any coincidences between the Warriors series or other fanficitons is unintentional and purely coincidental.

* * *

The night had just fallen, and the crisp crescent moon hung high in the sky, illuminating the ground below in silvery waves. The snow that had been falling all day rested peacefully upon the ground and the crystals reflected the bright light. It was a peaceful night, especially compared to the last. Even the night animals were locked away in their warm dens, snoozing through the cold moons of leaf bare. Foxes and badgers were no longer a threat to the clan, though they were not so foolish as to let all guard down. They were still watchful, especially for their neighbors across the stream.

In the heart of WindClan territory was a small gorge they called home, complete with skillfully woven dens to keep every cat warm in the cold of Leafbare. Just a short walk away was a small clearing, surrounded by thin pine trees; no one was quite sure how the pine trees had sprouted on the harsh terrain, but they were a popular spot for visiting any time. During the night, two silhouettes resided in the clearing, their bodies intertwined into one single pile of colorful furs. A soft, rumbling purr sounded from the black and white tom who held his tail wrapped protectively around his she cat companion's side. She was quiet, for the most part, her soft, green eyes unblinking as she watched the stars.

"I don't think the clan could have asked for a better night than this for Leaf-bare. Even the prey was plentiful today. Did you see how happy Poppyjaw got when she spotted the hare?" The tom let out a soft chuckle, thinking back to when he had delivered the fresh prey to the elderly she cat. "I swear to StarClan, her eyes just about bulged out of her head."

"That's great, Badgerscar, really, but I still worry. This is only one day. Tomorrow, who's to say the bitter cold won't return, driving the prey back into their nests? This is far from a good time." The she cat sighed, tearing her gaze from the brilliant stars to her mate, whose fierce blue eyes met hers equally.

"If you're worried about our kits, you needn't be. You know they'll be well cared for in the clan. The queens always get first pick of prey. Plus, Mothleaf has been doing perfectly fine so far, and she has a whole lot of four to look after! Didn't Howlfur say you'd have three at most? We'll be fine, don't you worry." He soothed, laying his tail gently across her shoulders and licking the she cat between the ears.

The calico she cat recoiled, fur beginning to bristle. "Don't tell me not to worry about our kits! I will worry for them every second of my life, and theirs! A day will not pass where I do not think about their safety, so don't you _dare_ tell me it'll be alright! The clan can't do everything to ensure the safety for my kits. They can try to feed them and try to keep them healthy, but the weather has no true opponents. The weather is an enemy we can never beat. I will _not_ stop worrying." She spat, lips curled back in disgust.

Badgerscar rose to his paws and pressed lightly against her. "Petalheart, calm yourself. You know my words are only meant to calm you. The weather is not what decides the fate of our kits; StarClan does. Our ancestors are not cruel. They will not take away our children unless they are suffering. Plus, our kits will be strong; the strongest ever in the clan!" He broke out into a wide grin, nudging his mate with his shoulder. "They'll be our perfect trio of kittens."

Petalheart allowed herself to be soothed by the reassuring words of her mate, deciding to worry later. Tonight was still young and beautiful, and there was no point in wasting away the precious hours with petty fights. "You're right," She gave in, laying down once again, "They will be perfect. Leaders and deputies... the greatest the clans have seen." Her gaze traveled down to her stomach, plump and round from her bellyful of kits due to be born in mere days.

* * *

"Howlfur! Howlfur! Something's wrong with Petalheart!" A small gray tom kit flung himself into the medicine den at top speed, careening into a wall stocked full with preserved herbs and poultices. "Howlfur!" He yowled again, repeatedly prodding the old medicine cat in the side.

"I'm up!" He snapped, rolling over and nearly crushing the small kit. "What is it, Coalkit? It'd better be important for disturbing my sleep!" Coalkit cowered in fear, pupils dilating as the large tom towered over him. To the side, Lightstep roused himself from sleep, groggily looking over to the pair curiously. "I-It's Petalheart! She keeps screaming!"

In an instant, both medicine cats were wide awake and alert, tossing words carelessly to one another.

"The borage!"

"I've got it. What about raspberry leaves? Poppy seeds?"

"Stupidkit over here knocked the herbs everywhere. I can't find the poppy seeds!"

"Keep looking!"

"We need to get going! Petaheart will just have to deal with the pain!"

Abandoning the frightened kit, Howlfur and Lightstep bounded out of the medicine den with bundles of herbs spilling from their mouths. Outside, the clan was slowly waking, curious to see what all the commotion was about. In the middle of camp, Badgerscar paced endlessly, growling at any cat who got too close to him. The normally calm tom was on edge, fearful something would go wrong in the kitting. Over and over he had reassured his mate that she, and the kits, would be perfectly fine, but he could not find any thoughts to calm himself.

Mothleaf emerged from the nursery, herding her three remaining kits out and calling for Coalkit to return. Bluesong remained inside the queens' den to help and to pick up any tips she could for when her own kitting would come.

Settling beside the heavyset queen, Howlfur placed a paw softly on her tummy, resulting in a low moan. "It'll be a long night," He murmured, eyes creasing in thought, "They aren't ready to come out quite yet. Give it a few more hours."

"Hours? I want these kits out of me _now_ , Howlfur! I can't endure this-ah!" Petalheart's dry snarl turned into a painful yowl as another spasm rippled across her stomach, "-all night!" She finished, clenching her teeth together.

"Do you want them to be healthy?" Howlfur asked calmly, earning a shocked look from the queen, "Then deal with it. Other queens have made more sacrifices than a few hours of kitting, Petalheart. Be lucky that nothing is going wrong." The she cat sent a fierce glare toward the medicine cat but complained no longer- she had little energy to waste, anyway.

The clan was beginning to grow restless outside. The first dull rays of dawn were just starting to rise in the star-speckled sky, casting long shadows over the camp. Still, WindClan had no new kits to celebrate over. The screams coming from the nursery were growing quieter, which only worried the clan further. Would Petalheart even have enough energy for the kitting when it finally came time? They could only hope and pace restlessly. Mothleaf had moved into the elders den with her kits in hopes that the four little ones could get some rest. Onyxstar laid outside of his den, a neutral look plastered to his face. Every now and then he would glance toward the nursery with a concerned glance, but it was soon replaced with confidence. Jadepelt had joined the black-pelted leader and sat close to him silently.

"Very soon, Petalheart." Lightstep had taken Howlfur's position beside the queen's side, his paw lightly feeling her body. "When I say push, push. Got it?" The queen gave no response other than the rapid rise and fall of her flank. A small pool of sweat had formed underneath the she cat, which Howlfur was attempting to soak up with a bit of used moss.

"Push!" Lightstep ordered, watching as Petalheart's face twisted in agony. It wasn't long before two kits lay by her side, nursing sweetly. The beautiful calico she cat twisted around awkwardly, eyes shining with adoration.

"My kits! My beautiful, beautiful kits!" She let out a trill-like purr, sniffing daintily at each of the small bundles. "A tom and a she kit, oh, how _perfect_! Two is just what I wanted, one of each! They'll make the perfect little warriors! Oh, where's Badgerscar? He'll be so ha-ah!" The queen fell back on her side, writhing in an even more intense agony than what she had already been through. Confused, both medicine cats refocused their attention on her, trying to figure out where the problem was.

"There's a third! A third kit coming!" Lightstep's eyes widened as he prodded the queen's tummy. Something was wrong with that one, he could tell. "Push, Petalheart, with all your might if you want this one to make it!" Not willing to let one of her precious kits die, the queen screamed to StarClan, cursing them for the pain she was in If they dared let one of her sweet kits die after all of this, she would make it her goal to ruin them. At last, one last bundle entered the world. She was a tiny thing, and laid still in the moss nest.

"My kit! Is it okay? Will it be alright?" Petalheart wheezed, unable to lift herself to check on her own kit. Howlfur and Lightstep sniffed the kit, sorrowful looks in their eyes. Howlfur began to lick its fur the wrong way, trying to get the blood flowing in the small body. Everyone was silent in the nursery. Even outside the clan had quieted, sensing something had gone amiss.

"Well?" Petalheart demanded, fear creeping onto the edge of her voice. At last, a shrill mew sounded and the whole world seemed to let out a sigh of relief. Three kits, nursing healthily and happily beside their mother.

"Congratulations, Petalheart. You have a son and two daughters. I'll go get Badgerscar." Lightstep purred, disappearing from the den to deliver the good news to the clan. Howlfur was watching the runt of the litter closely, a scowl on his face.

"The she kit, the last one..." He reached forward and plucked her up, resulting in a fierce snarl from Petalheart. He ignored the queen and set the small kit down, trying to block out the fearful squeaks.

"Give me my kit back!" Petalheart growled, tail lashing and claws unsheathing as she moved to attack the medicine cat. Already, her motherly instincts were taking over and blinding her from who she was talking to. No one would take her kits away; not her precious darlings!

"Petalheart, look." He gestured to the she kit. "Her leg is twisted, the back right one. It's probably a result from the late birth. I've seen this once before, when I was just an apprentice. The kit, a small tom, had never been able to become a warrior. He would have been my apprentice had he not died of greencough."

Petalheart froze, eyes wide and full of shock. "Nonsense!" She finally blurted out, fur bristling along her spine. "How dare you even _think_ to suggest that one of _my_ kits is imperfect! She's perfectly fine! A little on the small side, but she'll be fine within a few days, right? You can fix her, right? Please, tell me she isn't a _cripple_!"

"I'm sorry, Petalheart. There's nothing I can do for her. It's unlikely she'll ever be able to become a warrior." A wail sounded from the queen, causing Badgerscar to come bursting into the nursery to check if everything was alright.

"Lightstep sent me in. How are they? What genders? How many? Have you named them yet?" The black and white warrior bombarded his mate with questions, oblivious to her somber expression. As she turned to look toward her mate, he noticed her usually soft, warm gaze was hollow.

"We have a son and a daughter. Two perfect, lovely kits. And that _thing_."

* * *

 **WIINDCLAN**

 **Leader:** Onyxstar: black tom with blue eyes

 **Deputy:** Jadepelt: small gray she cat with vivid green eyes

 **Medicine Cat:** Howlfur: brown tabby tom with gray flecks around his muzzle and amber eyes

 **\- Apprentice:** Lightstep: cream tom with amber eyes

 **Warriors:**

Palenose: light gray she cat with blue eyes

Littlebreeze: white she cat with blue eyes

\- Harepaw

Brackenclaw: dark brown tabby tom with piercing amber eyes

Thistlefang: gray tabby tom with green eyes

Runnningtail: golden tom with long legs and green eyes

Grasstail: orange and black calico she cat with green eyes

Hollownose: dark gray tom with brown eyes

Yellowheart: golden she cat with bright amber eyes

\- Shinepaw

Pricklefur: mottled gray and brown tom with green eyes

Rowanfoot: dark russet tom with amber eyes

Badgerscar: black and white tom with a jagged scar across his face and blue eyes

Ivorymist: beautiful dappled gray she cat with green eyes

Softsong: brown tortoiseshell she cat with blue eyes

Bravemist: foggy gray tom with green eyes

Birchgaze: slender brown tabby tom with blue eyes

\- Icepaw

Quailgaze: ginger tom with brown eyes

Lilacpelt: gray tabby she cat with blue eyes

Featherspirit: fluffy gray tabby she cat with blue eyes

Eaglewing: brown tom with green eyes

Mousefang: fluffy brown tom with green eyes

Talonslash: handsome brown tom with bright green eyes

Blacknose: black she cat with green eyes

 **Apprentices:**

Harepaw: cream tom with bright green eyes

Shinepaw: pretty white she cat with darker spots and blue eyes

Icepaw: pale gray tabby tom with blue eyes

 **Queens:**

Petalheart: pretty calico she cat with soft green eyes (mother to Sunkit, Redkit, and Lostkit)

Bluesong: blue-gray she cat with blue eyes (expecting Thistlefang's kits)

Mothleaf: pale brown tabby she cat with amber eyes (mother to Nettlekit, Jaykit, Coalkit, and Rosekit)

 **Kits:**

Nettlekit- brown tom with amber eyes

Jaykit- gray tabby tom with green eyes

Coalkit- dark gray tom with gold eyes

Rosekit- small brown she cat with amber eyes

Sunkit- beautiful calico she cat with green eyes

Redkit- black and white tom with amber eyes

Lostkit- calico she kit with amber eyes

 **Elders:**

Poppyjaw: mottled orange and black she cat with dull brown eyes

Gooseflight: brown and white tom with green eyes


	2. Two Tormentors

"Wait up! C'mon, Redkit! Sunkit!" The shrill voice of a small calico she kit rose from the side of the nursery. A mottled calico she cat struggled to keep up with her two siblings due to a bad limp caused by one of her back legs. She flattened her ears and picked up the pace, determined not to be left in the dust by her siblings.

"Ah, what's wrong Lostkit? Can't keep up?" The cruel sneer of Jaykit sounded off to the side where he and his two brothers watched her struggle with smug looks on their faces. Two moons, now, she had to put up with their incessant bullying. Petalheart turned a blind eye whenever her kit was being mocked, as did most of the clan. Lostkit couldn't begin to fathom why they didn't like her, though she knew it had something to do with her leg. They thought she was a useless kit, wasting hard-earned prey. Once, she'd heard Bluesong comment on how Lostkit would have to become an elder as soon as she was given her apprentice name; an apprentice with a lame leg could never be even a half-ways decent warrior.

"I'm fine!" Lostkit huffed, sending a nasty glare toward the trio of tormentors before reaching her siblings who had stopped to wait up. Redkit had an annoyed look.

"Can't you not be so useless for once, Lostkit?" He seethed, gritting his teeth as he spat the words out. Lostkit flinched back, eyes wide. She was used to Redkit speaking to her like the other three tom kits; he liked to hang around with them and had picked up their nasty habits. Still, it surprised Lostkit when her brother used such degrading words against her. Weren't her siblings supposed to stand up to her? At least Sunkit wasn't rude to her.

"Ah, put a mouse in it, Redkit!" Sunkit spat, cuffing her brother over the ears. Coalkit, Nettlekit, and Jaykit froze wide-eyed and stared at Sunkit in shock. Where had such a young _kit_ picked up such foul language? She was lucky no warriors had heard! Redkit looked just as shocked.

"Whatever. I'm going to hang out with my friends, not some excuse for a cat." He sneered, stalking over to Mothleaf's kits and sitting down. The four huddled together and began to snicker, casting glances toward Lostkit.

With a small sigh, Lostkit flopped on the ground, shoulders hunched over. "Why don't they like me, Sunkit? I never did anything wrong... They blame me for a bad leg that isn't even my doing!"

Sunkit sat down beside her sister and pressed her side against hers. Though the two had very similar fur, Sunkit's was much more well kept and groomed. It had a shiny look to it, and looked beautiful, just like their mother. Lostkit's fur was unkempt and seemed to just be odd patches dotted throughout her fur.

"Ah, their just being mousebrains, Lostkit. They'll grow out of it. Badgerscar said so himself, remmeber?" Their father was one of the few cats in the clan who treated his kits equally. While Petalheart had tried to convince the tom to leave Lostkit on the border for a different clan to find, he'd stuck up for the kit. He had said it was StarClan's will that they be gifted with a deformed kit because only they could take proper care of her. Petalheart had replied by saying they were cursed to have such a failure of a kit. Many times Badgerscar and Petalheart had gotten in arguments over their little daughter. Badgerscar had convinced Petalheart that if she neglected Lostkit, she would be breaking the warrior code for neglecting a kit in need. For that reason only, Petalheart still cared for Lostkit, if one could call it caring. She fed the kit and made sure she wasn't being too troublesome, but as far as mothering went, Redkit and Sunkit were her only children. She'd made that point clear time and time again. Lostkit had done everything she could think of to make her mother proud, which usually ended up in a scolding from Petalheart. Nothing could please her!

"Hmph." Lostkit replied, raising her head to scan the camp hopefully for their father. He hadn't visited them yet today, and his company was always something that could cheer the small calico kit up.

"Out of the way!" A growl sounded behind the two she kits. They spun around simultaneously to see Shinekit and Icekit barreling from the nursery, nearly crashing into the younger kits. Lostkit let out a surprised squeal and jumped out of the way just in time to avoid having Shinekit crash into her. Well, jumping wasn't exactly the word. It was more of a tumble.

"Watch it! You almost crushed my daughter!" Petalheart's snarl sounded from the nursery as she stalked out, towering over Jadepelt's kits. The deputy was hardly around the nursery anymore; once her kits were four moons old, she had insisted on resuming her duties as deputy, leaving Bluesong, Petalheart, and Mothleaf to care for her two while she was busy.

Lostkit looked up at her mother, a surge of hope fluttering in her chest. 'She's going to yell at them for crushing me! She _does_ care!' Her happiness ended moments later when she realized her mother's protectiveness was geared toward Sunkit.

"Apologize to Sunkit this instant or you two won't be made apprentices for another week!" Petalheart snarled, eyes blazing furiously. Sunkit ducked her head and looked at her paws, embarrassed to have her mother being so overly dramatic.

Shinekit and Icekit would become apprentices the very day. Not wanting to risk having their ceremonies delayed, the two flinched back and muttered apologies. Only when Petalheart was satisfied did she turn to Sunkit and began to fret over her poor daughter.

"Are you hurt? She didn't touch you, did she? Oh, I knew you would be a strong one! My brave, perfect, little Sunkit!" She purred, rubbing her jaw across Sunkit's head adoringly. "You'll make a brave warrior one day, Sunkit. You and Redkit! What terrific additions to the clan!"

The queen turned and padded away, acting as if Lostkit did not even exist. 'I'll make you look at me one day, mother. I'll make you proud.'

* * *

"All cats fast enough to catch their own prey gather before me for a clan meeting!" The proud voice of Onyxstar called the clan together. The black tom stood gallantly atop a small boulder that was no more than the height of a single cat and waited patiently for the clan to gather. Shinekit and Icekit sat at the very front, Jadepelt fussing over them to make sure their fur was neat and tidy. Great things were expected from the two kits since their parents were the two leaders of the clan. It was only natural that they become worthy warriors of WindClan themselves

"Can we watch, mother? Please?" Sunkit begged Petalheart, rubbing against her mother's foreleg in an attempt to drum up a bit of compassion. Redkit sat rigidly beside his sister, waiting eagerly to hear their mother's reply. She had to let them go! She just had to! Lostkit knew better than to get her hopes up; their mother never let them go to any of the clan gatherings. She said some nonsense about them being only for the mature and dignified cats within the clan. The other kits got to go, and they were only a few moons old!

Something within Petalheart was kinder today. The beautiful silver queen nodded her approval and sent the kits out, her words aimed specifically toward Redkit and Sunkit, "Do be dears and don't be disruptive. Sit with your father!" Lostkit had followed her siblings out as best she could though her twisted leg prevented her from keeping up with them. By the time she made her way all across the giant clearing, the little she kit was wheezing from the effort.

"Can you shut up already? I can hardly hear Onyxstar with your noisy breathing!" Redkit spat, giving his sister a sharp glare before readjusting to hear the leader better. Lostkit ducked her head apologetically only to feel the warmth of a tail wrap around her side. She looked up to see Badgerscar gazing down at her, a small glimmer of amusement in his eyes. The black and white tom pulled Lostkit closer and nodded toward the mighty leader, signaling for her to ignore her brother.

"As the warrior code dictates, when a kit turns six moons old, they may become apprentices. Shinekit and Icekit have reached this milestone in their lives and it is time for them to be passed on to their mentors. Shinekit," Onyxstar's daughter bounced forward, eyes shining like her namesake, "From this moment on until you earn your warrior name you will be known as Shinepaw. Yellowheart," The golden she cat had been seated near the front, ready to approach the duo when called. It was custom for the leader to ask a warrior if they wished to be a mentor first, and she had done well to keep her secret from the others until now, "You were my apprentice moons ago, and have proven to be a valuable asset to the clan. We ask that you pass your diligence and eagerness on to this apprentice. Icepaw,"

The white tom kit approached more slowly than his sister with his chest puffed out proudly. 'He should have been named Goosekit." Lostkit thought with a snicker, noticing how he seemed to waddle.

"From this moment on until you earn your warrior name, you will be known as Icepaw. Birchgaze, you're one of the best trackers the clan has. Pass on all you know to your apprentice."

"Shinepaw! Icepaw! Shinepaw! Icepaw!" The cats of WindClan cheered in unison, their voices yowling the new names of the apprentices to the skies above. Redkit stared in awe at the new apprentices, already envision their own ceremony.

"Who do you suppose our mentors will be?" Sunkit whispered, glancing around at the warriors. "I think I would like for Softsong to teach me. She seems very kind."

"Pfft!" Redkit wrinkled his nose, giving a violent shake of his head. "She's too soft, just like her name! I want a real warrior for my own mentor. Someone strong, like Rowanfoot!"

Badgerscar glanced down at his kits, feigning hurt. "None of you want me as your mentor?"

"W-We didn't say that, father!" Redkit squeaked, eyes widening. "I-I just thought it wasn't aloud for you to teach us."

"Right you are, Redkit. What a wonderful apprentice you'll make. All of you." Badgerscar purred, wrapping his tail around all three.

Lostkit couldn't help but frown. "Even me?" She muttered dejectedly, casting her eyes toward the ground. What warrior would want her for an apprentice? She had a permanent deformity. She would be unteachable! She'd probably just be forced to move into the elders den when she was an apprentice. Or worse, the nursery to care for every litter of kits to come during her lifetime! Oh, StarClan no! She could never live a life like that!

"You'll learn to be a warrior with you leg, Lostkit." Sunkit spoke up, giving her sister a light nudge. "It'll just take more time." Somehow, her words did nothing to help Lostkit feel better. If anything, her words stung in Lostkit's heart. She'd be a pitiful warrior for sure! No one would ever want her as an apprentice!

"Kits! Time to come back to the nursery!" It was Bluesong who had appeared to fetch them, her stomach preventing her from moving very quickly. She waddled over to Badgerscar, giving the tom a polite dip of her head before rounding up the trio of kits. "Come no, little ones. It's nearly time for you three to go to bed!"

"Ah, but it's not even sunset yet!"


	3. The Crippled Cripple

Author's Note: Thank you to those of you who have already expressed interest in my story, especially since it is only in the beginning stages. You all warm my heart, and it is for you that I keep writing.

* * *

"Over here! No, wait! Look out!" Redkit flattened his ears and watched as the moss ball smacked against Lostkit's side, knocking the she kit off her paws and onto the dusty ground. "Sorry Lostkit! I really didn't mean to!" The normally irritable tom scrambled over to his sister, sniffing her to make sure she wasn't bleeding anywhere. He could only imagine how angry Onyxstar, Jadepelt, and Badgerscar would be if he had accidentally harmed his little sister.

"S'all good, Redkit." Lostkit murmured, glancing inquisitively toward her brother. He was an odd little tom. Most of the time, he joined the older kits as they made fun of her. StarClan, he made fun of her when they weren't around! Every now and then, for one reason or another, he would display kindness toward her. Lostkit could not fathom why he would ever suddenly express concern for her, but she never pointed it out, fearful that it would end. If it proved that Redkit loved her, even if only a little bit, she would take that. 'If only Petalheart would love me, too.'

Lostkit turned her golden gaze toward the nursery where the queens sat, gossiping about clan life. Petalheart sat tall and proud, feather-like tail curled neatly around her front paws. Her eyes held an untamed fierceness in them, along with beauty like none other. Her pelt was a lovely mixture of silvers and oranges and browns, and she was a truly magnificent cat to look upon. Lostkit glanced at her own pelt. Though in color it was very similar to Petalheart's, she had nowhere near the shine or grace of her mother; her paws were small, her fur matted, and she held the composition of the clumsy kitten she was.

"Toss it back already, Lostkit!" Sunkit purred, crouching down and wriggling her rump, ready to leap up to catch the mossball. Lostkit grinned and hooked the mossball with two of her front claws. Springing to her paws, Lostkit prepared to launch the ball full force at her sister when a sudden pain shot through her leg. Crying out in alarm, the calico she cat collapsed back onto the ground, eyes wide and watery.

"My leg!" She wailed, ears pinned flat against her skull. Hearing one of her kits cry out, Petalheart was on her feet in an instant, rushing over to make sure everything was alright.

"What happened?" She cried, creating a scene within the camp. Lilacpelt and Featherspirit glanced up from their partially eaten hare to see what the commotion was, while Onyxstar himself emerged from his den. "Oh, my kits! Are you okay? Please, tell me you aren't injured!"

We're fine, mum." Sunkit and Redkit voiced in unison, looking up at their mother. Redkit glanced toward Lostkit and continued, "I think Lostkit hurt her leg. The... the bad one. Does it look more twisted than usual?" He frowned, sniffing carefully at his sister's leg.

"She can walk it off." Petalheart scowled, her voice flat and void of any emotion other than disgust toward her runtish kit. "I thought something was seriously wrong with you two!" She faced the other two kits, concern gleaming in her eyes. "Don't scare me like that ever again!" The graceful queen turned and stalked back to the nursery. Bluesong cast Lostkit a worried glance and leaned over to murmur something to Mothleaf, who shrugged her off and gave Lostkit a less than friendly look.

"I'll go get Howlfur." Sunkit mewed softly. Redkit's familiar scowl returned and he turned on both sisters, eyes narrowed.

"Petalheart would have gotten him if she thought Lostkit needed a medicine cat. Since she didn't get Howlfur, Lostkit is fine. She's just being a kit. Why do you always have to ruin the fun? They might as well start calling you Boringkit." Redkit sneered, turning and trotting toward the nursery with his nose raised.

"I-I'll be right back." Sunkit stammered, knowing something was wrong with Lostkit. She scampered into the medicine den, leaving Lostkit alone with her thought. Some cats in the clan were giving her odd looks. Most of them were unfriendly, but a few, like Bluesong, were kinder and more concerned for the kit. They knew better than to interfere, though. Petalheart would not appreciate someone blatantly insulting her parenting by stepping in, and since Lostkit didn't appear to be in any immediate danger, there was no harm with letting her sister handle it.

"Always a troublemaker." Howlfur grumbled, approaching Lostkit slowly. He leaned down and sniffed the kit, foul breath suffocating Lostkit. "No blood. Good, good." He raised a paw and jabbed roughly at her leg, causing Lostkit to emit a sharp squeak of pain. Sunkit gasped, though remained silent. "No break. Trust me, it'd hurt a lot worse if it was a break. Not a fracture, either. I'd say you just pulled a muscle, Lostkit. You'll have to stay in my den overnight, though, so I can make sure that it doesn't mess up your... deformity." Howlfur was not a cruel cat; not like the rest of the clan. He treated everyone like this, and in his own way was showing kindness to Lostkit by not leaving her by herself to suffer. "Can you walk? S'pose not. Stupid question, that was. Lightstep!" He called to his apprentice. The cream colored tom bounded from the medicine den and hurried over, ears perked forward curiously. Per Howlfur's instructions, he reached forward and grasped Lostkit's scruff lightly, carrying her into the medicine den. Lostkit let out a small squeak of protest as her twisted leg bumped against the ground.

"Fetch a poppy seed, would you Lightstep?" Howlfur requested of his apprentice as he set Lostkit down in a nest of moss. It seemed softer than the moss in the nursery, and she wondered if it was a different kind, or if there was just more of it in the nest. The reason didn't matter, she was just grateful to have a comfortable place to rest, away from the prying and judgmental eyes of her clanmates.

Lightstep padded over a few moments later with a single, tiny round seed. It was so small that Lostkit nearly mistook it for a bug and had considered squishing it; it was no bigger than the very tip of her claw. "What's that s'posed to do? I don't get how anything so small can heal me leg."

"It won't heal your leg," Lightstep explained patiently, sitting down beside the kit, "It'll make the pain go away. You'd be surprised what this little seed can do. Just try it, and if you don't think it's working you can have another one."

Unsure whether or not she should trust the medicine cat apprentice, Lostkit reached forward and used her paw to bring the seed closer to her, sniffing at it disdainfully. "Does it taste good?" She asked, nose wrinkling.

"It doesn't have a taste. If you'd like, though, you can have some honey with it." At mention of the sweet, sticky, golden substance, Lostkit perked up, a mighty purr rumbling in her throat. Taking that as a sign of confirmation, Lightstep trotted farther into the den and soon returned with a small piece of honeycomb slathered in the StarClan-sent substance. Purring contentedly, Lostkit lapped up the seed, then turned her attention toward the honey.

"Lostkit! I came to visit you!" Sunkit chriped as she bounded into the medicine den, glad to see her sister was well. "Do you want to come play a game with me?" She invited hopefully.

"She's not to set a single ounce of weight on that leg." Howlfur warned, padding over to the small kittens. "If you want some fresh air, Lostkit, you can have Lightstep take you out for a few moments. No walking, though. Let him carry you."

Lightstep seemed kind enough, she decided, and she allowed the cream colored tom to take her outside with Sunkit close behind. He set her down and sat beside the two sisters, curling his tail around his side.

"Oh, look who it is!" An all too familiar sneer sounded and Jaykit trotted over, followed by his three siblings. Coalkit shoved his way in front of Nettlekit and Rosekit, and stood shoulder-to-shoulder with his almost identical brother. "Little Limpkit out for some fresh air? She's so pathetic she couldn't even drag herself out. What a _kit_!" The four siblings erupted into a chorus of laughing. "Why do you even hang out with her, Sunkit? She's a cripple who can't do anything for herself." Coalkit looked toward the prettier of the two, eyes softening.

"Because," Sunkit growled, fur puffing up as she attempted to look intimidating to the kits who were more than two moons older than her, "She's my sister, and I'm not going to leave her all alone. _Ever_."

At that moment, Shinepaw came waltzing over, eager to see what was wrong with Lostkit. Jaykit took it upon himself to answer, "Cripplekit managed to injure her leg ever more. How pathetic is that?" Shinepaw looked down at Lostkit, the tips of her teeth showing as she laughed.

"Maybe when she's bigger she'll be able to be somewhat useful. I can't see how she'll ever make a decent warrior, and since we already have two medicine cats, she may as well be tossed out to the foxes!"

"I will make a good warrior!" Lostkit piped up, puffing out her chest and pinning her curved ears back. "I'll make a better warrior than any of you mouse-brains could ever even _dream_ to be! You'll see, and when _I'm_ leader no one will be making fun of me!" Shinepaw and the other kits only laughed.

"Sure, sure. I'm sure we'll all be amazed by your ability to limp through the forest faster than any of us!" Nettlekit jabbed Lostkit harshly in the side, piercing her delicate skin with the tip of his claw. In a fit of rage, Lostkit lunged forward in an attempt to retaliate, which only resulted in the small she kit letting out a sharp wail as eh stretched her twisted leg too far.

Lightstep returned to the nursery with Lostkit, but he sent Shinepaw and the other kits, even Sunkit, back to the nursery. A small stream of tears dripped lazily down Lostkit's face, and she was glad the others had not seen her cry. She couldn't decide if she was crying due to the taunting or the pain in her legs, as she wasn't sure which hurt worse.

"Why didn't you tell them to stop being so mean?" Lostkit sniffled, looking bleary-eyed up at Lightstep as he dressed the tiny wound inflicted by Nettlekit.

"What good would it have done?" Lightstep rumbled his reply. "They wouldn't have respected you for having the medicine cat fight your battles, and I won't always be there to tell them to stop. If you want them to respect you Lostkit, you need to show them you're worth respecting."

How in StarClan's name was she supposed to do that? Forlorn and sleepy from the second poppy seed Lightstep had dosed out to her, Lostkit curled up in her nest in the medicine den, eyes watching outside of the den as the clan interacted. They looked so happy. So united. Why couldn't she be a part of that?


	4. New Denmates

Turns out sulking in the medicine den all day did no good to her mood. Lostkit was feeling more bitter than ever, even when Sunkit came to visit her for what was possibly the seventh time in one day. StarClan her sister acted like a queen!

"I'm not a kit who needs to be watched over constantly!" Lostkit spat as Sunkit entered, almost immediately falling into the new routine of asking how Lostkit was feeling before she was even completely in the medicine den.

"Yes, you are." Sunkit pointed out smugly, sitting down. The perky she kit refused to let her sister's grumpiness bother her. Of course she would be irritated having to stay in a den that reeked of various herbs. There was a constant pungent smell coming from the back of the den where there were stacks upon stacks of leaves all various shades of greens, and even some berries. They sure looked tasty! Petalheart had told her, though, not to ever eat anything if she didn't know what it was. Herbs were probably not an exception.

Lostkit wrinkled her nose and turned away, digging her face into her side in an attempt to look as if she was trying to sleep. "Just leave me alone, Sunkit. I'm sleepy, alright?"

Dejected, Sunkit padded slowly out of the den with her tail trailing in the dust. "Fine." She muttered, picking up her pace to join the other kits. 'The other tormentors,' thought Lostkit. At least in the medicine den none of the other kits dared to bother her. In fact, she had found Lightstep to be rather enjoyable company when he wasn't busy tending to some mousebrained warrior who had stepped on a thorn or who had disturbed a bee's nest. Once he even brought her a leaf. He said it was called tansy. She couldn't remember what the medicine cat apprentice said it was used for, but she had appreciated his attempts in trying to amuse her. Lostkit wondered, briefly, if he was trying to tell if she was interested in becoming his apprentice. It wouldn't be possible with Howlfur still in his position, but he _was_ aging. Already, Lostkit had heard him complaining to his apprentice about the horrible aches he felt in his joints, and how the herbs he took did little to help.

"Lightstep, what kind of herbs does Howlfur take for his sore legs?" Lostkit piped up, thoroughly bored withh laying around with only her thoughts for company. If she was going to be stuck in a medicine den, she may as well ask about herbs. Perhaps she would find that it did interest her, and she could become Lightstep's apprentice. But... she was so determined to be a good warrior, even better than Redkit despite the fact that her leg would forever slow her down.

Lightstep padded over and set a small seed down beside Lostkit, along with a leaf. "A poppy seed and some chamomile. Usually the chamomile is used for calming a cat down, but Howlfur discovered that it's useful to stop aching joints when we don't want to spare other herbs for the elders."

"But Howlfur _is_ an elder." Lostkit frowned, prodding the seed with a paw. It clung to her paw like a thistle and she had to flick her wrist to get it to fall from her grasp.

"Don't let him hear you saying that!" Lightstep warned, lowering the tone of his voice. "He'll cut off your ears and put them on backwards!"

Lostkit shrunk back, fear causing her pupils to dilate. "Really?" She squeaked, horrified by the mere thought. No way would he do that to her, right? Then again, Howlfur didn't seem to like her very much. None of the clan did.

"Hey!" Sunkit's voice rang in Lostkit's head and she whipped her head around, curling her lips back in a not-very-fierce snarl.

"Leave me alone already!"

"I'm not here for you, feather-brain." Sunkit retaliated, casting her sister a cold glance. "Howlfur, Bluesong is kitting!"

A wave of guilt practically drowned Lostkit, and she wished she could apologize to her sister for overeating. One look at Sunkit told her that the tension had passed, as the pretty calico kit flashed a quick smile before darting back from where she came. 'She's such a good sister. If only she'd been stuck with someone better than me.'

Howlfur and Lightstep hurried off, leaving Lightkit to her own devices. The boredom returned, and she was, once again, unsure what to do.

'Maybe I could just look at the herbs.' She thought quietly, glancing to her leg. She wasn't supposed to walk without help, but it was only a tail-length or so. Wriggling around, Lostkit managed to get herself straightened out to where she could lift herself onto all fours, though she avoided putting any pressure on her injured leg. Twisting to the side, and cringing while doing so, Lostkit hobbled over to the herb stock and glanced around, taking in all of the scents.

One berry in particular stuck out, and Lostkit stretched one paw forward to roll it carefully toward her. It was a very dark crimson color, and had a very sweet smell about it. 'I bet it tastes good.' She thought, eyeing the berry skeptically. Unlike Sunkit, Petalheart had never warned Lostkit to be careful about eating herbs. She was only two moons old, and if she ate the berry before, not knowing that it would cause her to suffocate and die, it wouldn't be her fault. A kit could not truly be held responsible for its actions unless they were explained.

Lostkit debated taking a bite. It smelled like honey, and she would bet that it tasted better than the sweet, sticky substance that was so rare but so delectable. Luckily for her, Lightstep popped his head back in. Somehow, Lostkit managed to hide the fact that she was about to eat the berry from the medicine cat, though it was probably only because he was busy. In fact, he didn't even say a thing about why she was up and walking.

"Lostkit, do you remember the raspberry leaf I showed you earlier? I need one."

She did remember- it was very dark green, tinged with a dark brownish red on the outside and with jagged edges. Plucking it up carefully with a paw, she limped over to Lightstep, who only the noticed she was moving.

"Thank you, now get back in your nest!" He disappeared in a flash. Lostkit grudgingly flopped over, letting out an impatient huff. What would she do now?

* * *

"Two of them!" Sunkit came sprinting into the medicine den where she skidded very clumsily to a stop just in front of Lostkit. "There are two little kittens! Both toms!" She jabbered off about how cute the new kits were, but all Lostkit could help thinking about was how loud they would be. At least she wouldn't have to deal with them right away, since she was still confined to the quietness of the medicine den.

"Sunkit," Lostkit interrupted, sitting up (with some pain) and looking toward her sister. "Do you think you'll ever have kits?"

Sunkit hesitated, seemingly stunned by the question. They were only two moons old, and Lostkit was thinking about kits already? "Uh, I don't know, Lostkit. Maybe. I mean, I think they're very cute. But I'd have to have a mate!" She wrinkled her nose, as if disgusted by the thought. "And the options aren't that great. Coalkit and Nettlekit and Jaykit are all _mean_! No way am I ever going to _love_ any of them!"

The two she kits began to purr in amusement. Toms were gross, they agreed. To loud and boisterous and annoying. Being little kits, they were likely to think this way, just as tom kits often said that she kits had kooties. One day, perhaps, they would grow out of such thoughts and become interested in one another, but for today, Lostkit and Sunkit were content with making fun of the idea.

"What about you, Lostkit. Are you ever gonna have kits?"

"No way!" Lostkit shook her head from side to side quickly. "Honestly, Sunkit, the clan is probably going to push me off on being a medicine cat. I won't be able to have kits if I wanted them."

"That's not true!" Sunkit protested, standing up abruptly. "Lostkit, you and I are gonna be the best warriors in all of the clans combined! When I'm leader, you're going to have to be my deputy. Everybody will respect us and we'll show them how tough we can be!"

Lostkit was no convinced. Who would ever respect a deputy with a crippled leg? Jadepelt was such a regal deputy. With her harsh green gaze and her powerful legs, she demanded respect from everyone. Lostkit wasn't exactly a fearsome kit.

"Ah, c'mon, Lostkit." Sunkit seemed to notice the sorrowful look in her sister's eyes, "We still have four more moons to worry about even being apprentices. Let's just have fun!"

Have fun. Right. Fun was just another thing Lostkit lacked in life. The other kits, the older four, made sure she was being tormented whenever they were around, and even when she was trying to play with her siblings, Redkit ended up yelling at her. Fun did not seem possible for the crippled kit.


	5. Stolen Affections

"Hey Cripplekit, mind bringing us a mouse from the prey pile, or are you too pathetic to manage?" By now, Lostkit could easily distinguish the sneers of her four tormentors without looking, and this one belonged to none other than Rosekit. Fur beginning to bristle, Lostkit spun around, teeth bared as she looked up at the older and much bigger she cat.

"What, too lazy to get it yourself?" Lostkit spat, her tiny, rubbery kit-claws digging into the dry ground. Rosekit narrowed her eyes and leaned over until the two were nose-to-nose.

"What did you say?" She growled in a dangerously quiet tone, eyes narrowed to slits so small Lostkit could just barely see her irises.

"I don't believe I stuttered." Lostkit gulped inwardly, praying to StarClan that the bigger kit wouldn't attack her. Lightstep had just said she could leave the nursery- no way was she going to be stuck in there for another moon! Another day, even, would be bad enough. All she could do was sit and watch the other kits. Sunkit visited a lot, but it wasn't the same.

"You little-"

"Rosekit!" Mothleaf's sing-sngy voice came from the nursery and the pretty queen poked her head out, eyes shining. "Fetch your brothers and come quick! Your ceremony is going to be very soon!" She purred and disappeared back inside. Lostkit's stomach formed a pit; they were going to be apprentices? Part of her rejoiced; now the only tormentor left in the nursery would be her mother and Redkit, and the latter had times when he was friendly with her. But now Rosekit, Jaykit, Coalkit, and Nettlekit would all outrank her. If they were rude to her, she couldn't do anything about it.

Taking advantage of Rosekit's distraction, Lostkit scurried back to the medicine den, eyes wide and terrified.

"What're you doing back here?" Lostkit wished it was Lightstep who was in there, but she found herself face to face with Howlfur. The grumpy old medicine cat looked down at her scornfully, tail tip twitching. Before him were three piles of herbs. The ones of on the very right smelled sweet, while the ones on the left were more bitter. Yarrow, she remember. Lightstep had showed her. The middle herbs she had never seen before.

Looking up at Howlfur, Lostkit sunk to the ground, ears flicked back. "No one likes me." She muttered. The old tom frowned and took a few steps forward until he was beside her.

"And you think you have problems?"

Lostkit whipped her head up and snarled, resisting the urge to snap at the elderly tom. "My life hasn't exactly been happy. All of the other kits except Sunkit hate me. Even my own mother hates me! It's not my fault I was born with this stupid leg! No one likes me!"

"And you think you have problems?" Howlfur repeated, sitting down. "Lostkit, you're two moons old. Take it from me, and I've been here a long time; you're going to make many enemies in life. Right now you have... what, four kits, five kits and a queen who don't like you? Do you know how many cats dislike me? Far more than that. You have a father who loves you, and a sister. The rest of the clan cares for you."

"They do not. If they did, they wouldn't let the others bully me."

Howlfur sighed and dragged a paw across the ground. He wasn't exactly the cat to go to with these types of problems. "When the others see your mother speaking rudely to you, they can't intervene. It would make it seem like they disapprove of her as a mother, and something like that can make a queen go angry. She is a good mother, Lostkit, just not to you. As for the kits, they're just kits. You're all too young to have real enemies. I bet in a few weeks they'll be so focused on training they won't even spare you a second glance."

"But why do they have to hate me?" Lostkit wailed, slouching over in defeat.

"That's quite enough moping." Howlfur snapped, straightening his back until it went rigid. "There are cats in the clans who have lives far worse than yours, Lostkit. You may not be liked by everyone, but there are cats here who have lost all of their family members. There are cats who have suffered physically and mentally beyond mention, and here you are complaining that some cats said mean things to you. You're going to have to grow up real fast if you want to make it in the real world, because this is nothing compared to adulthood. Do you hear me?"

Lostkit did not agree with him. She would rather have her leg hurt constantly than have the abusive words flung at her, but she decided not to argue any longer. Howlfur was scary when he was angry.

"Yessir." She murmured and began backing away. Noticing that he had frightened the kit and had pushed her a little two far (especially for being a mere two moons old,) Howlfur bent down and picked up a leaf, setting it before you.

"Lightstep tells me you've taken an interest in herbs. Thinkin' of becomin' a medicine cat?"

"I want to be a warrior so I can protect the clan and not be useless." Lostkit sighed, halting and looking up at the old tom.

"And you think being a medicine cat is useless?" He asked calmly, raising his head and looking down his nose at Lostkit, whose eyes popped open as she shook her head quickly. She opened her mouth to take back what she said, but Howlfur held up his tail, "I know you meant no harm in what you said, but do know that being a medicine cat is just as important, if not more important, than being a warrior. As medicine cats, we have to heal the warriors when they get injured so they can continue to hunt and fight for the clan. Without us, many of our clanmates today would be dead. We have to help queens kit, just like we did for your mother and for Bluesong and Mothleaf. Without us, their kits might be dead. Medicine cats have to speak with StarClan and warn the clan of impending danger. That's important stuff, right?"

Lostkit nodded. "But I still want to be a warrior, just so I can prove that my leg doesn't make me useless that way." She rephrased her words and glanced to her twisted leg.

"Lostkit," Howlfur sighed and bent down, "That leg isn't ever going to straighten out. It'll make you slow forever. I know it's hard to hear, but it's the truth. As a medicine cat, I have to tell you the truth. You may be able to hunt with it, but fighting is out of the question. I'm getting old. I'll be retiring soon. If you want to be a medicine cat, Lightstep will soon be able to take on an apprentice. You understand that, right?"

Nodding, Lostkit turned around and left the medicine den, ears flicked back. Small tears clung to the corners of her eyes like burrs did to her pelt. Even Howlfur just told her she was useless. She was, wasn't she?

"All cats fast enough to catch their own prey gather before me for a clan meeting!" Just like he had when Shinepaw and Icepaw became apprentices, Onyxstar called the clan together for the ceremony of the four kits who would soon be out of the nursery for good. He stood on the small boulder again where he was just tall enough to be able to see over the tops of the heads of every cat in the clan with ease, but too short to be able to look them all in the face individually.

Sunkit trotted over to Lostkit and purred loudly before nudging her sister's shoulder with her head. "Petalheart says we can watch the ceremony by ourselves."

"Probably because she doesn't want to see me." Lostkit replied dejectedly, followed by silence from Sunkit which only confirmed her thoughts. Redkit appeared beside Sunkit and, while he didn't look overly pleased to see his crippled sister, managed a sort of half smile. The trio sat near the front of the clan where they had to crane their heads to look up at Onyxstar.

"I want to be a leader someday." Redkit whispered, leaning over so his two sisters could hear him easier. "When I'm done with my training, I'll bet they make me the deputy right away 'cause I'll be so good. Then when I'm Redstar, everyone gonna have to do what I say and no one will talk back to me!"

"Are you ready for the ceremony to begin, Redstar?" Redkit froze and his eyes looked as if they would pop out of his head. Lostkit, stifling a giggle, looked up to see Onyxstar looking down at the tom kit, an amused expression on his face. Behind them, the clan managed a few chuckles. Badgerscar looked mortified, while Petalheart looked adoringly at her tom kit.

Redkit squeaked a reply and shrunk back in embarrassment. Onyxstar continued. "StarClan, before me stand four young kits who have reached the age of six moons, and are thus old enough to be made apprentice of WindClan. They've waited patiently, and they will be well received among the clan. Jaykit, from this moment on you will be known as Jaypaw. Grasstail, you were an excellent mentor to Lilacpelt, and the clan knows you will pass on your renowned traits to your new apprentice."

The orange and black calico she cat strode forward to touch her nose to Jaykit's, eyes shining happily. Lostkit glanced around to see Lilacpelt who looked happy for her former mentor.

"Rosepaw, your mentor will be Rowanfoot. After many moons of dedication to his clan, it is time he has received an apprentice of his own to pass on all of his knowledge." Rowanfoot was a middle aged tom, forty or so moons old.

"Nettlepaw, your mentor will be Palenose. Teach him all that Ivorymist taught you when you were an apprentice." Like the two former pairs, Palenose and Nettlepaw touched noses then moved back into the crowd, leaving Coalkit by himself up front. Of the four kits, he'd been the kindest to Lostkit, though that wasn't saying much since he still picked on her. Kind wasn't a word she would use to describe him. More like not as cruel as his siblings.

"Badgerscar, you will be mentor to Coalpaw." Lostkit felt her mouth drop open. What? Her _father_ was going to be _his_ mentor? No! No, he couldn't be! Coalpaw was horrible! She didn't want him to be spending time with _her_ father when he could be spending his time with his kits! As the meeting came to a close, Lostkit stared after her father and his new apprentice. Coalpaw looked back at her and gave a sly smile before straightening his shoulders and hurrying to catch up to Badgerscar. Could StarClan have given her any worse of a life?


End file.
